Can We Be Too Self-Aware?
I was sitting on my balcony chatting to my sister a few weeks ago when she randomly threw into the room that she thinks it’s a problem that some people are too self-aware. Sister and therapist defence mode was on high alert and I said NOOOOO and argued why self-awareness is SO important and how the world would be a better place if more people were more self-aware.
Only after I really reflected—yes I am human too and react rather than respond—maybe she was onto something after all.
After that conversation this topic interestingly enough was brought up a few times by different clients. So can we be too self-aware?
Here’s what I keep seeing in clients and in myself: the super self-aware, over-intellectualising inner world often began as a lil boy or lil girl who found safety and approval in being smart when being understood wasn’t really an option.
If I can make sense of it, maybe I can control it. If I can map your inner world, maybe I won’t get hurt.
And honestly—that was wisdom. It kept you safe. It earned praise. It helped you navigate chaos.
The problem is when we live only up there, in theories and takes and meaning-making, we miss the life happening here—in the body, in the room, with the person in front of us.
What This Actually Looks Like
You know the kind of self-awareness I mean. Turning every feeling into a concept before it’s felt. Needing a reason for everything—yours, theirs, the universe’s. Analysing to manage anxiety rather than to choose wisely. Reading other people’s inner world instead of staying in your own.
It helped because it gave us safety, predictability, fewer surprises. But where it gets messy is the disconnection from your body, delayed decisions, intimacy that feels studied, joy that keeps getting postponed.
I know “balance” comes up a lot, but here it really is about being self-aware enough to notice and choose—not so hyper-aware that you stop experiencing your life. Insight in the head and safety in the body.
This is why I love mixing yoga, therapy, and breathwork. Thinking and feeling. Head, heart, body together.
How to Get Back in Your Body
The trick is finding tiny ways to practice so it doesn’t all stay in your head.
Try a 60-second “back to baseline” moment. Look around and name 3 real things you see. Exhale longer than you inhale—4 in, 6 out, a few rounds. Feel your feet, soften your jaw, drop your shoulders. Say quietly “be here now.”
Or try body before story for 2 minutes. Where is this in my body? Tight chest, heat, buzz, numb? What does it want? Space, movement, water, a boundary, a breath? What is one kind next step?
Give yourself time-bound reflection. Ten minutes to reflect, then take a 1% action. After 9pm, no post-mortems—only soothing. Swap “Why am I like this?” for “What do I need right now?”
And in your relationships, try some micro-shifts. Ask for clarity instead of mind-reading: “Did you mean X?” Try the opposite at 10%—if you usually chase, pause; if you usually shut down, share one sentence.
None of this is about becoming less intelligent. It’s about using your smarts to actually live your life, not as a way to stay safely in your head.
Insight is beautiful. So is presence.
Sometimes our greatest strengths become our greatest limitations when we overuse them. The very thing that kept us safe as children might be the thing keeping us from fully experiencing our lives now.