Why Comparison Is Exhausting Your Nervous System (And How to Stop It!)

You know that feeling when you're scrolling and suddenly your chest tightens? When you see someone's success, relationship, body, life—and something inside you contracts? When you feel yourself shrinking, like you're somehow less than you were a moment ago?

That's comparison doing its thing. And it's exhausting.

Let's talk about something that's present in all our lives, whether we want to admit it or not: comparison. More importantly, let's talk about why it's so draining—and what actually helps.

Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

You've probably heard this quote before. But here's why it's actually true: comparison shifts our focus away from what we have and all that we already are, to what we lack and all the ways we feel we fall short.

It's like standing in a beautiful room but only noticing the one thing that's missing.

Studies have found that around 12% of our daily thoughts are comparative. That's a lot of mental energy spent measuring ourselves against others—often without even realizing we're doing it.

Why Your Nervous System Treats Comparison as a Threat

Here's the thing most people don't realize: comparison isn't just mentally draining. It's a constant source of stress for your nervous system.

When we compare ourselves and come up short, our brain registers it as a threat. Not good enough. Not strong enough. Not successful enough.

Thousands of years ago, not measuring up to the tribe could have been life-threatening—it could mean being cast out, left alone, unable to survive.

Your nervous system still remembers that.

So every time you scroll and see someone's highlight reel, every time you measure yourself against someone else's success, your body responds like there's actual danger. Your stress response activates. Your cortisol spikes. You feel that familiar tightness in your chest, that low-level anxiety humming in the background.

If we're not intentional about it, comparison—especially the constant, unconscious kind we do now—keeps our nervous system in a state of mild threat. And that's depleting.

The Modern Comparison Problem

Comparison has always been part of being human. Social comparison theory tells us we have an innate need to compare ourselves to others to determine our social standing, abilities, and beliefs. It helps us make sense of the world and where we belong in it.

Comparison does serve an important purpose—it helps us evaluate choices, guide our decisions, set priorities, make sense of our surroundings.

But today? The opportunities for comparison are practically limitless.

We're not just comparing ourselves to our immediate community anymore. We're comparing ourselves to everyone, everywhere, all the time. Instagram, LinkedIn, everyone's curated highlight reel, everyone's best angle, everyone's wins without the context of their struggles.

We compare our low lights to other people's highlights. And we do it constantly.

Two Things That Actually Help

I'm not going to pretend I've figured this out completely. But here are two things that have genuinely helped me stop letting comparison drain me:

1. Turn Envy Into Inspiration

When that feeling of envy comes up—and it will—instead of pushing it away or feeling guilty about it, try to accept it and then listen to it.

What is this envy telling you about your desires? What does it show you about what you want or need but don't yet have?

Envy is information. It's pointing toward something that matters to you. Instead of letting it overwhelm and drain you, try to understand what it's showing you. Maybe it's highlighting a value you care about, a direction you want to move in, something you want to cultivate in your own life.

That shift—from "I'm bad for feeling envious" to "what is this feeling teaching me?"—changes everything.

2. The Whole Life Question

When I catch myself comparing, I ask: Would I really want all of what that person has? Would I swap my entire life for theirs?

Usually, the answer is no.

Because when we compare, we're doing this selective thing where we take one piece of someone else's life—their career success, their relationship, their body, their confidence—and measure it against one piece of ours. But we're not comparing whole lives. We're comparing fragments.

That person whose career you envy? You don't know what they've sacrificed for it. That relationship that looks perfect? You don't see what happens behind closed doors. That body? You don't know their relationship with food, exercise, their mental health.

When you zoom out and ask yourself if you'd swap your entire life—all of it, the good and the messy and the in-between—the answer is usually no.

Because your life, with all its imperfections, is yours. And there's something precious about that.

Coming Back to What's Yours

Comparison isn't going away. We're human. We're wired for it. But we can choose how much power we give it.

When you notice yourself comparing, try to pause. Notice what's happening in your body. Is your chest tight? Are you holding your breath? That's your nervous system responding to a perceived threat.

Take a breath. Feel your feet on the ground. Come back to your body, your life, this moment.

Ask yourself:

• What do I actually have right now?

• What am I grateful for?

• What's working, even if it's not perfect?

And if the envy is still there, get curious about it. What's it pointing toward? What does it want you to know?

The Bottom Line

You're not falling short. You're exactly where you need to be, learning what you need to learn, at the pace that's right for you.

Comparison will always be there—but it doesn't have to drain you. Listen to what it's telling you, ask better questions, and remember: you wouldn't swap your whole life for anyone else's. And that's enough.

Ready to explore this deeper? If you're struggling with comparison, burnout, or feeling like you're constantly measuring up, therapy can help. I work with people to understand their patterns, regulate their nervous system, and build a life that feels more aligned.

Currently booking for December onwards. Get in touch here or send me a DM to join the waitlist!